When we attended the BITS (Birla Institute of Technology and Science), Pilani East Coast Alumni get together on October 13^th, 2001, organized by the BITS Alumni Association, we were shocked to hear that good old, cheerful and dedicated Vamsi from the 1988 batch was on the Boston-LA flight that crashed into the WTC on September 11^th

A software engineer with DTI Technologies, Vamsikrishna moved to the US from India 10 years ago, earned a master’s degree from the University of Missouri and was working on a second one in Engineering Management from California Coast University. He and his wife, Kalahasthi Prasanna made their home in Los Angeles and had been married for 2 ½ years.

BITSAA proposed instituting a scholarship in his name at his alma mater and we all resolved to raise money for it.  Vamsi’s wife, Prasanna was actively involved in raising funds. We read that DTI had also established a Benevolent Account for Prasanna’s benefit that was supposed to be open till Nov 1^st 2001 and DTI was creating a scrapbook to celebrate his life. Notes, letters, photographs and other remembrances were being collected and had to be placed in a scrapbook that would be presented to her.

But none of that was meant to happen.

On October 20^th, A BITSian friend called me, overcome with emotion and told me that Prasanna, studying to be a dental student had committed suicide the previous day. When newspaper reports came in, we all were shocked and almost defensive. 

We told people that Hindus do not believe in suicide, that they believe in reincarnation and that their journey towards learning and evolution does not end with death…except that sometimes one can’t handle despair beyond a point…

We heard that Prasanna, a USC graduate student in the International Student Program for Foreign-Trained Dentists since April 2001 had moved to US only a year back, and was found in her Catalina Street apartment on Friday, October 19^th. She was 25 years old. Near her body, they found a letter from New York City Mayor Rudolph Giuliani dated Oct. 12^th inviting her to a memorial service scheduled for Oct. 28^th to mourn the death of her husband.

And from her friends, I learnt that though she was devastated, she was determined to move on and complete her dental course. However, a few questions haunted her…

What if Vamsi had not missed his flight ? Vamsi had been working 15-hour days and weekends in order to complete an XPI project for a client in Boston. Unfortunately, his dedication to the completion of that project meant that he missed a flight home to Los Angeles on Monday and was on the Tuesday morning flight instead…

What if he had managed to speak to her ? He left her a message before he boarded the plane, telling her that he would be home by lunch and would surprise her with a meal he was going to prepare…

What if…

They had so many plans; they wanted her to go through the demanding two-year graduate program she had begun only a few months earlier, and establish her career somewhere in the United States. Vamsi was prepared to go with her wherever her career might take her. They were going to start a family.

And now it is the family and friends she has left behind who are haunted by so many questions.

The University Director of Student Counseling Service, Bradford King had referred her to Nadadur S. Kumar, associate director of the Office of International Services. In their regular chats, Kumar reminded Prasanna that counselors, even Indian ones were available to help her. Bradford even offered to walk her across to the counseling center. But it was her choice to not go in for professional counseling, not because of the stigma attached but because she felt she was doing fine, as did everybody else.

Prasanna would see Osama bin Laden on CNN and say to Kumar, “What did I do to deserve this? I am a simple person. Why am I being punished? Why this senseless terrorism?”

Kumar said “She had a bright future but the pain was too much to bear. It was because of the World Trade Center. Whoever did this should understand that so many beautiful, innocent lives were destroyed.”

Her family and in-laws flew over from India for the funeral.  They stayed to offer her support and offered to take her home.  She refused to go.  She felt the best way for her to remember her husband was to stay in the program and complete it.  Kumar remembers her saying, “His memory is only going to strengthen my resolve.”

Both families went to Ground Zero at New York to say their prayers but she refused to join them – it was just too painful. They offered her all the assistance and Kumar says that financially, she had no issues; there was tremendous emotional support and academically she was in one of the best programs – there was a lot to look forward to…but the pain was unbearable…

Prasanna did reassure her families that L.A. was her home and that she would move on. Her brother was moving into the apartment she and her husband had shared near the USC campus to be with her, and she also had a new, extended family that included her friends, her classmates, and people at the University. As a Hindu, she believed in reincarnation and that she would be reunited with her husband one day. Her families left, but as Kumar says, they had to return under such unfortunate circumstances.

She attended class on Oct 18^th, Thursday morning, called Kumar about 3:30 p.m. to chat and even called her friends and relatives. And on Friday, it had all ended…

A memorial service was held for Prasanna Kalahasthi at USC on Oct. 30^th, attended by a large number of her fellow students and professors and family. Harold C. Slavkin, dean of the USC School of Dentistry, and Dixon C. Johnson, the executive director of the Office of International Services, each gave a eulogy, as did Kumar.

Prasanna’s station at the University is empty now except for a large piece of paper with a note that reads, “Dearest Prasanna, We shall miss you a lot! Love, your friends and teachers.”

Leaving us all behind was Prasanna’s decision.  We all know it was the wrong one, but we have to respect her for that, however saddened we all are. The families, Kumar, the University and all their friends tried their best but failed, and there is no point in wondering what they could have done differently.

It has been over a year since the dreadful plane crash that changed the lives of thousands around the world.  With the ceremonies, the funerals, the messages, the hunt for Osama, it is hard not to linger. But its best to move on and pray for better things to come…My message, one shared by BITSIANS around the world, to grieving families who lose their loved ones in any situation, is to hold on.  Don’t lose hope because your loved ones are gone. They would have wanted you to continue with your lives, to pick up the pieces, and to move on.  Prasanna was doing just that, except for that fateful moment of weakness.  Remember, time is a great healer, and even though the scars stay with us forever, the deepest wounds eventually heal and get better.

And life becomes livable once again.

May Vamsi and Prasanna’s reunited souls rest in peace…